I've been working with a man who was sexually abused at the age of ten by a Catholic priest.  He was addicted to alcohol, sex, porn.  The book is called Sins of the Abused and is in the editing phase.

The book follows the story of how a young, innocent child was groomed by the coolest priest ever.  Father McCool took the boy to baseball games, amusement parks, made him lunch in the rectory, shared home movies in the priest's bedroom, and became the best friend to the boy.  But then things changed.  The boy was being set up and easily fell into Father McCool's trap. 

It's an amazing story of abuse, addiction, and survival. 

More to come soon . . .

Helen

For the past year, I've been working on writing a memoir with a man who is alive today because of his love for his children, determination to be the man he was meant to be, and an amazing therapist.  We're wrapping up all the loose ends and looking for a publisher.  Or an agent who will take up our cause.

SYNOPSIS 

While blissfully living with his grandparents, a young boy’s existence changes when his parents whisk him away to a life where he is transformed into a sexually depraved monster.  For years, he self medicates with drugs, alcohol, and pornography to suppress the lurid childhood memories of the secrets behind closed doors at the rectory.  As a grown man with children, he finally realizes that the degrading sexual behaviors embedded in his mind as an impressionable child were the cause of the uncontrollable urges that plagued his life.  When he finally encounters a therapist whose patience and understanding enlightens his psyche, the reconstruction of his twisted life begins. 

It's an amazing gut-wrenching story, but one that has a thread of hope throughout.   He wishes to tell his healing story and help others face their lives no matter how hopeless things seem or regardless how deep the wounds. 

The story will help those with addictions of all kinds, not just those abused by religious authority figures.  We hope to have our manuscript released as soon as possible to share this amazing story. 

Stay tuned one and all.

Helen

We went to the theater Monday night to see the movie, "Doubt" with Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams.  There were so many similarities between the movie and our book, Innocence Betrayed.  If you've seen it, you probably know what we're talking about. 

We encourage people to see the movie.  There were many subliminal messages.  Even with the clean fingernails.  Was he putting himself in the position of being not only physically clean, but also spiritually clean? You'll see many familiar tactics in the movie that are used by predator pastors in real life.  We're hearing from more and more people every week. 

Predator clergy are very skillful.  They are in control of what happens on church property.  They are so skillful in their art of deception that they can leave you in doubt of what you know.  The morally corrupt administrators and supervisors would rather transfer a predator out instead of being transparent and conducting a thorough investigation.  And listen to the priest's sermons and how he used those sermons to protect himself. 

We'd love to talk with anyone who has seen this movie. 

We were amazed at how well the priest was able to keep his facial expressions intact to never give anything away.  He was very well trained to show no guilt.  A person with narcistic personality disorder can create havoc in a church environment.  They will never take  responsibility for what they do.  The violent rage and anger that people with this disorder catch many off guard.  They will never give any satisfaction to a victim -- never admitting fault to anything.  They will always blame it on you.  If found in a church setting dealing with a narcissistic pastor, we suggest going to a help group instead of going to the church administrators. 

On another topic: 

We met face to face with another victim of clergy misconduct yesterday named Suzanne Cyr.  She was a former member of the United Church of Christ in Maine.  It was an honor to meet a woman with such compassion and strength.  She has done extraordinary work teaching children on how to spot a predator.  She, too, wants to make legislative changes.  She's ready to put the past in the past and turn it into something positive.  Her church leaders refused to talk with her face to face.  She'd like to see churches' policies available to parishioners when they join the church.  If there was a background check conducted on her pastor, she may have been better informed on what she's signing on for when going into a church.  She was given a Myers-Briggs test to see if she and the pastor would be a compatible marriage match! 

Has anyone else been asked to take a Myers-Briggs Psychological test at their church?  The woman in our book was also given the Myers-Briggs test, but in a bible study class.  We hear that a test of this nature gives a person such strong insights into the victim's innermost being of their personalities and can be disastrous when given by someone who is not mentally fit to be in the ministry, let alone be in a counseling situation with a parishioner.

Our holiday wish if for everyone involved in clergy misconduct or abuse to step forward and let their voices be heard.  All voices matter.  And all voices are important.  Please use our blog to voice your opinion or tell your story.  If there are any husbands and/or dads out there who have gone through anything like the dad in our book, please contact us.  We want to hear from you!

Have a happy and safe New Year!

Blessings and Peace to All,

Helen and Curt

Time ranks SBC rejection of sex-offender database as 'under-reported' story

By Bob Allen

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

NEW YORK (ABP) -- Time Magazine ranked the Southern Baptist Convention's refusal to establish a database of clergy sex offenders one of the most under-reported news stories in 2008. A ranking of under-reported stories in Time's "Top 10 Everything of 2008" special feature placed the story at No. 6, behind a mix-up that accidentally sent U.S. nuclear-warhead fuses to Taiwan, the Congolese civil war, violence in Sri Lanka, and new guidelines for insurance coverage for mental health and regulation of food from animals that are genetically altered. "Facing calls to curb child sex abuse within its churches, in June the Southern Baptist Convention -- the largest U.S. religious body after the Catholic Church -- urged local hiring committees to conduct federal background checks but rejected a proposal to create a central database of staff and clergy who have been either convicted of or indicted on charges of molesting minors," the magazine noted. "The SBC decided against such a database in part because its principle of local autonomy means it cannot compel individual churches to report any information. And while the headlines regarding churches and pedophilia remain largely focused on Catholic parishes, the lack of hierarchical structure and systematized record-keeping in most Protestant churches makes it harder not only for church leaders to impose standards, but for interested parties to track allegations of abuse." Christa Brown, Baptist outreach leader for the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, agreed the story was under-reported. "It's such an extremely important story," she said. "The largest Protestant denomination in the land -- a denomination that claims 16.2 million members -- refused to even attempt to implement the sorts of proactive measures for routing out predators that other major faith groups have." Brown, a survivor of clergy sex abuse, worked two years to draw attention to the problem of unreported sexual abuse in Southern Baptist churches before seeing denominational leaders recommend against her suggestion of a national database. Last month Brown and SNAP National Director David Clohessy wrote SBC President Johnny Hunt asking for a meeting about establishing a system to report abusive clergy. "As president of the Southern Baptist Convention, you now have the opportunity to show genuine leadership on the issue of clergy sex abuse and cover-ups," the letter said. "This may be one of the greatest leadership challenges in the history of Southern Baptists." The SNAP leaders said Southern Baptists' local-church autonomy makes it all-the-more imperative that congregations have enough information to make responsible decisions about whom they call as ministers. "The only way people in the pews will find out about clergy child molesters is if victims feel safe in reporting them," they said. "And victims are never going to feel safe if they have to report abuse by going to the church of the accused minister." "Telling clergy victims to 'go to the church' is like telling them to go to the den of the wolf who savaged them," the letter said. "It is cruel to the victim and unproductive toward the end of protecting others." -30- Bob AllenBob Allen This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it is senior writer for Associated Baptist Press.

I've heard another anguishing story from a secondary victim of clergy abuse.  She's asking for help in getting legislative changes made in her state of Pennsylvania. 

It's amazing that clergy abuse/misconduct is not a crime in most states.  How can this be?  It's truly one of the greatest travesties in our country that predator clergy can hide out in our churches and our states have no laws to prosecute them for the disgusting crime that they commit.  If anyone knows what it takes to make legislative changes to make clergy abuse/misconduct a  prosecutable crime, please let me know.  My list of people who want to help to make this happen is growing! 

Read this family's story http://www.nashvillescene.com/2008-04-24/news/the-bad-shepherd/ about what happened to them after their trusted pastor, Rev. Jeremy Benack, "allegedly" groomed their daughter starting at the age of 14 in the Southern Baptist Church in Lansford, Pennsylvania.  And then read what I feel is the absolute arrogance of the church's attorney:

“'It is most likely that the plaintiff will voluntarily dismiss her law suit [sic] as to the SBC...,' Guenther writes. 'That is what routinely occurs when the SBC is sued in these kinds of cases. If she does not dismiss her suit, I expect the judge will dismiss the SBC on its motion for summary judgment because the SBC was not involved in this matter in any way.'

"Guenther has every reason to be confident. The SBC has never lost a lawsuit of any kind. In the nearly 50 years he’s represented the denomination, Guenther says the SBC has only been sued in sexual abuse cases five times and settled only one of those—not through an admission of guilt, he adds, but because the denomination’s insurance company chose to pay the plaintiff a 'small nuisance value' rather than the attorney fees to try the case.

"Many SBC higher-ups boast about this record with a sense of bravado. Take this comment from Augie Boto, legal counsel for the SBC executive committee, in an interview with Baptist website SBCOutpost: “Though the SBC is named as a party in legal proceedings about twice per year on average...it has not ever had a judgment rendered against it throughout its entire existence (i.e. since 1845). SBC polity is the major reason for its frequent dismissal out of lawsuits on motions for summary judgment.”

   It hit me like a lightening bolt the other day the amount of devastation and destruction
that can take place when clergy misconduct takes place in a family unit.  The double abuse 
hits the family when not one clergy member or church parishioner ever came over to offer our 
family support during the height of the storm. In fact, no one ever came to provide aid to my
family to this very day.  There was no offer of Christian support and comfort for the family 
victims in their time of need, as you hear the churches preach.  Unlike the help they give 
automatically for example to the hurricane victims. I totally support the approach most 
churches take to send help today and ask questions later.  Sadly with clergy sexual 
abuse/misconduct, the church administrators sometimes drop anchor and send no help at all.  
This created a toxic combination being fueled by the super hurricane.  It crept into the family
at night, quiet as a mouse. 

   As the years have come and gone, I've realized the extreme danger and damage that this type of 
abuse and misconduct has on secondary family members. It became so bizarre that they all fled, 
hoping this was all a bad dream they were hearing about.  I can see that family members on both sides 
were blinded by the light thinking that certainly a church would never ever leave a family alone and 
stranded, while the religious predator moved directly into their family unit. The children's emotions
were exposed daily to the drip drop feeling of this extreme form of religious abuse believing that 
surely help was on the way.  But it never came. 

   With that being said, I hope my family's experience will be of help to other families who find 
themselves in a religious hurricane with no help in sight. With awareness comes responsibility to 
protect the innocent children of God from any harm, by any church, anywhere in the world. 

   I'm very proud to be called Dad, and I'm very proud to be here today with God's help and support 
to hold me when no one could. Thanks to Helen for holding me as only she could, and with her talent 
for writing to make sense of it all. I want to thank everyone out there around the world.  It 
takes a village of people to make a difference, and we all thank you by getting involved and staying 
involved. I always ask myself, what would Jesus want me to do at this moment? Then it becomes easy for 
me by raising awareness to everyone in helping all of our nation's churches become safer places for all 
of God's children. When one must, one can!! 

Curt

    My recent stay in Boston with Helen has been inspirational.  She has a shop in a busy tourist area, and we were able to talk with many different types of people about our book, Innocence Betrayed – A Dad’s Story of Clergy Misconduct.  

    As we talked, we asked people the question, “What do you think about the title of our book—what visions appear in your head?”

    Some people thought that the story was about physical abuse.  But the story is about how misconduct can build up when left unchecked, leading to the physical abuse.  The dad in the story was determined to protect his daughters from being exploited by their minister.  

    This is a story about the secondary victims of clergy sexual abuse--the ones that watch the actions play out but have no real role in the abuse itself.  The victim is unaware of the “grooming process” used on her, as her perpetrator slowly manipulates and brainwashes her into thinking that it was all her idea.        

     The story illustrates how the misconduct could have been slowed down.  The dad in the story does everything he can to find help.  But no one wanted to get involved until he found someone from his past to help him move forward, protect his girls, and find the help groups, AdvocateWeb, SNAP, and The Hope of Survivors.

    So, I just wanted to clarify that about Innocence Betrayed – A Dad’s Story of Clergy Misconduct.  

    Churches have set up the perfect cycle for those clergy who have evil in their hearts.  The ministers preach that God doesn’t want us to judge others, and parishioners are applauded when they forgive.  But the tragedy of that mix is that it can lead to misconduct, which can lead to physical abuse if it’s left unchecked or unmonitored.  When there is no accountability for one’s actions, it perpetuates bad behavior.  It actually enables the bad behavior to continue.

    By the way, I had fun visiting Helen in Boston.

Curt

Memorial Day 2008

Today will always be a special day as we honor those military personal who have defended this great nation in time of need. We also send out our love to all the families that have had, or do have current members that are currently in active duty. May God always be at your side!

My father, a former marine, always taught me that in the military a soldier always follows orders. No questions asked, you just follow orders and perform the ordered command. Pretty serious commands and many soldiers never return home as a result from being a good soldier defending our freedom!

Today we are also praying for our nation's churches. Every one of them, no matter what the nameplate says on the church door. You see, many great church members follow the commands of our church clergy much like a soldier follows a command in the military. Without any questions and absolute trust in what they tell you. They preach things like it's not Christian-like to judge others. In other words do not get involved, and that's toxic thinking when dealing with issues of clergy misconduct, and abuse.

So like good Christians, we do not get involved because we are commanded by God's representative to not judge! Our book shows you why this type of thinking can lead to actions that can almost destroy an innocent American family. But even more importantly gives clues to other family members on how they can help the victims. We ask that all of us as a great nation become aware and get involved to help the many victims and their families that are out there today, lost, innocent without a voice may you be their voice of hope and the love of God!

Curt

Curt and I have voraciously been reading the news reports on the Pope's visit all week.  He brought the problem of clergy sexual abuse to the world's attention, but he left without solutions for the victims. He's assuring people that they can come back to church now because they're making things better in the Church.  He just didn't say how.  No word of the accountability issue.

SNAP (www.survivorsnetwork.org) says, "Strong words must be followed by strong actions that have measurable results."  The website is packed with valuable information and lists the five concrete child protection measures that SNAP is asking the Pope to implement over the next six months to a year.

Our book, Innocence Betrayed - A Dad's Story of Clergy Misconduct is the "alarm" and tells what happens when clergy misconduct goes unchecked or flat out ignored.  It can lead a victim down the horrible path to clergy sexual abuse.  We give information on where a victim can go for help on our website at www.innocencebetrayedbyclergy.com. 

The Innocence Betrayed Workbook was written to offer solutions to victims right now.  It will aid in recognizing the "grooming process," which is a finely tuned manipulation process that may go on over a long period of time.  The Workbook lists prevention tips to help eradicate and one day stomp out clergy sexual abuse. The Pope asked his churches to open their doors to the victims to hear their stories and to aid them in their healing process.  He didn't leave parishioners with tips on what to do or say to help victims, but our workbook does offer that type of information.  

The problem is not just within the Catholic Church.  It happens in all denominations.  And the trap is very much the same in each case.  The general public needs to know what the pedophiles know about manipulating a victim.  Clergy misconduct always leads to abuse.  The books explain why the Pope said he was "ashamed."  It explains why victims also feel ashamed.

Curt and I feel that change must come from the outside, not inside the church.  It's going to have to be a societal change without pressure to meet the statute of limitations, which we feel should be lifted.  This could be the critical first step towards change.  Clergy should be held to the same standards that we hold our teachers, coaches, and anyone who works with children.  All clergy should have their fingerprints on a national database, and we feel it's important for mandatory background checks and regular psychiatric evaluations to take place.  This is just a small part of slowing down the predator preachers.  After all, a minister plays the intimate duel role of a counselor as well as a spiritual leader and should applaud the implementation of these procedures.

Our clergy members are God's representatives on earth.  It's time to seal the cracks that predator clergy crawl through to gain access to our children and vulnerable adults.

We encourage you to respond and let us know what you think. 

'Politicians cry out for the need for change and the importance of family values.  Our book is about protecting the family, and our hope is to make families safe from predators by crying out for change . . . '

- H.J. Wisocki & C.J. Szajnecki, authors of the newly released book, 'Innocence Betrayed: A Dad's Story of Clergy Misconduct' and new companion Workbook.

CONTACT: Helen Wisocki and Curt Szajnecki, Betrayedbyclergy@comcast.net

MEDIA ADVISORY, April 10,2008 - "We want to shine the light on the issue of misconduct, and our book hopes to protect not only the innocent children, but the entire family unit.  Our nation's beloved churches need to see important changes take place," stresses Szajnecki.

"People are aware of professional exploitation that may occur with teachers, coaches, therapists, doctors, etc., but the book educates and illustrates the need for transparency and accountability at the church level," adds Wisocki.

This is a story of a man running against precious time to save his family from an enemy who brilliantly conceals his dark heart while holding a respected position of authority.  After his wife is captured, the man worries that his daughters are next into the web of lies, deceit and perversion by their trusted pastor.  Time speeds on.  The deception unfolds.  He frantically searches for help.  But he finds more dens of betrayal and trickery, as the church administration minimizes the claims instead of offering help.  "The book is the perfect storm on why change in our nation's churches should be a top priority," says Szajnecki.

    "Only through our politicians and the involvement of our nation's citizens will transparency in our churches take place," states Wisocki.  "We must all do what we can to slash through the thickets of institutionalized indifference." 

The emergency Innocence Betrayed Workbook, for use by individuals or in group settings, aids in teaching how to read the "Signs" of the "Grooming Process" used by a predator authority figure to manipulate and gain access to a victim's inner thoughts and vulnerabilities.
    
    The website is an awareness center with information on where to go for guidance through the help groups, SNAP, Advocate Web, and The Hope of Survivors.  The Innocence Betrayed Workbook will help guide those in trauma or shock towards healing.
   
For more information about Innocence Betrayed: A Dad’s Story of Clergy Misconduct, visit www.innocencebetrayedbyclergy.com. To book an interview, email your request to betrayedbyclergy@comcast.net