It hit me like a lightening bolt the other day the amount of devastation and destruction
that can take place when clergy misconduct takes place in a family unit. The double abuse
hits the family when not one clergy member or church parishioner ever came over to offer our
family support during the height of the storm. In fact, no one ever came to provide aid to my
family to this very day. There was no offer of Christian support and comfort for the family
victims in their time of need, as you hear the churches preach. Unlike the help they give
automatically for example to the hurricane victims. I totally support the approach most
churches take to send help today and ask questions later. Sadly with clergy sexual
abuse/misconduct, the church administrators sometimes drop anchor and send no help at all.
This created a toxic combination being fueled by the super hurricane. It crept into the family
at night, quiet as a mouse.
As the years have come and gone, I've realized the extreme danger and damage that this type of
abuse and misconduct has on secondary family members. It became so bizarre that they all fled,
hoping this was all a bad dream they were hearing about. I can see that family members on both sides
were blinded by the light thinking that certainly a church would never ever leave a family alone and
stranded, while the religious predator moved directly into their family unit. The children's emotions
were exposed daily to the drip drop feeling of this extreme form of religious abuse believing that
surely help was on the way. But it never came.
With that being said, I hope my family's experience will be of help to other families who find
themselves in a religious hurricane with no help in sight. With awareness comes responsibility to
protect the innocent children of God from any harm, by any church, anywhere in the world.
I'm very proud to be called Dad, and I'm very proud to be here today with God's help and support
to hold me when no one could. Thanks to Helen for holding me as only she could, and with her talent
for writing to make sense of it all. I want to thank everyone out there around the world. It
takes a village of people to make a difference, and we all thank you by getting involved and staying
involved. I always ask myself, what would Jesus want me to do at this moment? Then it becomes easy for
me by raising awareness to everyone in helping all of our nation's churches become safer places for all
of God's children. When one must, one can!!
Curt
Curt and Helen:
Curt, I cannot thank you enough for having the courage to come forward and share your very painful story.
I was a victim of clergy misconduct (March 2007 thru February 2008); although, in hindsight, the grooming process started way before.
He was a UCC minister, my minister, and I had known him for about six to seven years prior to the onset of our relationship.
I want to write a book because what took place was truly a well-seasoned predator at work. He is back behind the pulpit preaching about grace and forgiveness. But, he and his congregation have been anything but graceful as to how the private turned public matter was handled.
I was subjected to verbal and written slander to discredit my experience and my character.
A mass mailed letter - explaining the situation - was sent out to our small town community; but, it was full of untruths.
Essentially, the congregation was lied to.
The deaconate committee refused to speak with me. They refused to honor the UCC recommendation that the clergy person be suspended without pay for 3 months
Instead, they let him use his sabbatical leave and he was back at work in 9 weeks (nine weeks off with pay sounds like a paid vacation to me).
I was not his first parishioner affair. Nor, do I believe that I will be his last.
Once public, I was harassed with anonymous letters to both my home and work place. The author of the letters admitting to be a congregational member.
My minister had also groomed and hand-picked his committee members, public relations speakers, and I believe he knew of the anonymous letters sent to my home and work as he had alluded to the idea that he would retaliate and go after my job.
Information contained in the letters was not public information and only information he would have known.
During all of this, I found out that there had been other allegations of clergy misconduct swept under the rug.
UCC churches are led from the ground up. Therefore, any allegation brought to a committee of hand-picked friends will be ultimately dismissed.
The public needs to know that. Reports of misconduct and abuse need to go directly to the state UCC office or national headquarters.
I also discovered that I was not the first parishioner to question his ethical practices. A former treasurer has issues with the clergy's financial handling's. That treasurer too was asked to leave the church and was the recipient of an anonymous, threatening letter.
The UCC church I use to attend appears more cult-like than a house of God full of practicing Christians. I was fooled for almost eight years....
Peace to you and your family.
Suzanne
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Thank you Suzanne for your courage to share your story with the world. Only a true victim knows what it takes to step up to be heard.
The church described in your story reminded me so much of the Methodist church my family once attended. Then to find out that the parishioners in your church turned against you for making a report of clergy sexual misconduct. Then the personality testing that you encountered--unreal--that happened to us also. All on church property no less. Then no real follow up investigation at all. That sadly also happened to me and my family.
Thank you for purchasing our book and making contact with us on the blog. We pray and hope that our book provides you with a peace that you are not alone in your opportunity to help educate others that you love and care about.
As the Holiday Season approaches it saddens me how many more new victims will be taken advantage of in our nation's places of worship. It'd the one time of year that a lot of new and fresh faces enter the church of their choice, but also enter as innocent and unaware lambs.
We hope that our book can help others spot the "red flags" of possible danger signs, before something tragic takes place. That is what keeps us going by sharing our story, and helping others along the way.
Again thanks for making contact with us, and please feel free to blog us again after you finish the book. We would be so honored to hear your opinion on what you learned along the way.
Blessings to you and your family for a wonderful holiday season!!
Curt Szajnecki
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